Yoga Isn't Fit for a Dragon Slayer
by SweetCarnation
Summary: Two-shot. Picture a hyperactive Dragon Slayer and his faithful Exceed, both members of Fairy Tail's most efficient wrecking crew, being jealous about a book of Yoga. Now, do the same, but imagine said pair to do yoga. What's an annoyed Lucy Heartfilia to do?
1. Book of Doom and Pillow Fight

**I've been rebornnnn, because maths is over, and I feel like paradise! (And this made absolutely no sense).**

**This **** is going to be a mostly random story, but I hope you'll like it! **

**Bear with the fluff, guys! **

**Meehhh, first Fairy Tail story, be nice people. I hope I got them in character (albeit Natsu might be a little too… nice? Meep.)**

**And this is a two-shot, you'll see why I've given this title to the story then. :P**

**WOULD SOMEONE BETA READ ME? PLEA-SE! :3**

**Disclaimer: I am alien to this story you call Fairy Tail (even though I'm crying because the anime is over…. **** )**

**Yoga Isn't Fit for a Dragon Slayer**

"Hiya Luce!"

"Gah! Natsu, get out of here!"

With a boot to the head, and holding carefully her small towel to her body, Lucy pushed Natsu out of her bathroom before the mage's faithful and regular wrecking skills manifested themselves. It was a rare occasion for the pink-haired man to hold still, whether on a mission or not. Lucy's flat served as proof of this, as at least two out of the four walls of each room had to be reconstructed from scratch, result of Natsu's disastrous meddling into her fridge for food (honestly, couldn't he be just satisfied with a normal, plain, _non-burning _chicken?), and Happy's capacity to grat onto her nerves, the pair ignoring the blonde's horrified scream at the wrecked remains of her kitchen.

Fortunately for the Celestial mage, her bathroom was spared from Natsu's killing spree, an off-limits zone, if you will. It only took a word from Lucy about how there was an evil little duck who would love to eat Happy's precious fishes to scare the Exceed permanently. And where the cat wouldn't go, Natsu would often not follow. Besides, he'd rather keep his super-sensitive hearing safe from Lucy's shrieks than risk it for the sake of asking her on another mission.

Confused at Lucy's overreaction, he lifted a confused eyebrow at Happy, leaning outside of the bathroom door, and the blue cat happily mumbled with a mouthful of salmon, "She's a weirdo!"

Still mindful of the mission he tasked himself with; a mischievous light twinkled in his obsidian eyes. Agreeing with his little friend, Natsu whined for her to _Hurry up, Luce! I'm hungryyy…_ and her muffled voice would carry out clearly that she was _Almost done! You'd better not touch anything in there, you hear?_ But true to his untameable and childish nature, the Dragon Slayer whisked his faithful companion in a blur of scaled scarves and blue fur in direction of the blonde's room, having already distracted his friend with his so-called hunger. Asking Happy to play the vigilante (a role the cat agreed to fulfill whole-heartedly, as he plastered himself onto the door, one ear glued to the wood and straining to catch Lucy's light singing), Natsu wrapped his scarf around his head, ninja style, and set himself into throwing his partner's room upside down. Off the blankets went, thrown were her clothes, and empty became her desk. He ravenously threw everything on the floor, breaking the first law of the ninjas: It's all about stealth.

A pink comforter, controversial silky underwear which looked uncomfortable to the touch, a bunch of clothes and shirt, a note from herself to remind her of the rent she had to pay soon, but no traces of_ it_!

Natsu frowned, almost bringing his eyebrows so close they'd touch, but then, he facepalmed himself with great force as an idea hit him full strength. He had forgotten to look under the bed itself! After all, even if Lucy's imagination was quite explosive, there were still some clichés she couldn't get rid of, such as hiding a book beneath her own bed.

The Dragon Slayer neared the soft mattress he loved to sleep on and fell unceremoniously onto his knees, embedding his face onto the floor in search for something middle sized and quite thick. He went back and forth, narrowing his eyes even more in hope of seeing better, but a suspicious lump poked from under the bed, through the wooden boards holding the mattress. Flattening his form to resemble a carp and near the bump, he reached out a muscular arm, fingers brushing the protuberance, and sweat began building up from the strain he was putting on extending his member to the furthest possible. Natsu stuck his tongue out in an effort to grasp the small bundled form, as Happy floated onto his back, "Why don't you just throw the bed over to get it?"

He blinked once, "That's a great idea, Happy!" he exclaimed joyously, and little bit too quickly, Natsu made a movement to raise his body, forgetting he placed his face just between the cross-beam and the carpet, and his crane bumped against the hard material. He yelled out, flames escaping his mouth in curled waves as a huge piece of pink, his tongue wiggling as he wallowed in pain, raw flesh swelling comically from his salmon mane, sticking out quite clearly from the spiky strands and Igneel's scarf.

Grumbling under his breath and rubbing gingerly the area around his bump, Natsu took hold of the mattress with his other hand and flipped it sideways, so the surface where one would normally sleep on rested against the window and the side underneath showed. Sticking a hand in the creamy covers of the pallet, the salmon-haired man grabbed hold of _it,_ and brought it out for the world (which currently consisted of him and Happy) to see.

The book of _doom_.

But Happy, instead of whooping in victory at the success of their mission yelled out "The demon's comiiiiiiing!" and began flying around the room frantically, looking worriedly at the mess they had done. Oh, if Lucy came here and saw the state of her room, they'd regret having accepted for her to throw a sleepover and even inviting Erza to be rid of the scary Titania for one night. Because a mad Lucy was almost, if not more, scary than a pissed-off-about-her-cake scarlet ex-quip mage.

Both Exceed and Dragon Slayer yelled in horror, rushing around to tidy up the room and leave no evidence of their presence. They could feel their heart pounding from the impending doom to be imposed on them from a certain blonde Celestial girl, but thanks Mavis they were done, and they only managed to dive through the window, Natsu flipping around to grasp a hold of the edge with his fingers as Happy floated above him, out of sight, stuffing the object of their attention into his pouch.

They tried to sneak off into the night, but even all the stealthiness in the world wouldn't have saved them from Lucy, as the blond leaned out of the window and over her salmon-haired partner, a small smirk matched with the ticking of her brows, sign of her clear irritation at their actions, and smugness for having caught them red-handed. "Oh, what do we have here? A boy and his cat trying to steal my book."

He laughed uncertainly, wary of the treatment à la Erza she was able of inflicting on him if he dawdled around the bush. Thanks for him, Happy went first. "Hi, Lucy! How did you know we were there?" he asked innocently, mustering his most wide-eyed pupp– scratch that, kitten look. In answer, she held the skeleton of the fish he was eating before, just as Natsu shouted to his companion, "Hey! You're not supposed to tell her we _were _here!"

Lucy turned to him, chocolate eyes glaring irritably at him. "I wasn't supposed to know, yet you didn't do a good job at putting everything back in order. So tell me, Natsu, what are you doing with my book?"

The Dragon Slayer narrowed his obsidian orbs at her as well, before he turned his head to the side like a petulant child, mumbling darkly under his breath. The blonde over him leant closer, but could not catch a hold of his murmurs. The miserable expression he wore for a split second tugged at her heartstrings, and the former Heartfilia heiress sighed long-sufferingly. Her room was a mess, and Natsu stole one of her new books, and yet, she was feeling sorry for him.

"You can come in you know, this bump of yours doesn't look pretty good," she pretexted, patting Natsu's hair carefully, wary of the swollen mass resting on it. He complied, yet stayed silent, and instead of diving for the bed, as he usually did whenever he had the occasion, the salmon-haired boy left the room. Confused at this behavior of the typically cheerful mage, Lucy went to pick some clothes and wear something beside her towel, when something soft tugged her hand. It was Happy, who said in a small voice, "Can I stay here too?" The blonde had to admit, when the blue talking cat acted like a small insecure child, he was really endearing and adorable. She smiled at him, and petted him.

"Of course you can, Happy."

…x.x.x…

After dressing herself in loose pants and a pale orange short-sleeved t-shirt, Lucy went down the stairs, arranging the towel on her shoulders to not let her damp hair wet her shirt. Her slippers slid soundlessly across the floors, and after retrieving a plate of curry from the fridge and heating it up, she cut a small piece of melon for Happy to munch on, and brought two spoons with her. Then, she took off her towel and filled it with small ice cubes she had in the freezer, and went to the living room, the small cat flying harmlessly behind her.

She set down the dish and spoons on the table, and sitting as to face Natsu's side, the boy slumped on the couch; Lucy brought the ice-filled towel and placed it gently on his prominent swelling, murmuring that it would hurt for a second. As soon as the white material made contact with the raw skin, Natsu hissed like an angry cat, but bore with it, closing his eyes when Lucy demanded him to. She said it would help if a headache started growing because of the cold, but the Dragon Slayer did not need the explanation, trusting his partner to care of his injury.

It was something she always did in the beginning, when their team was still composed of himself, Lucy and Happy. After every fight, she'd take him aside and go over his injuries, tearing some of her tattered clothes to cover the gashes and bruises. For Natsu, it was an odd behaviour, to worry so about little injuries and such, but after seeing the fearful look in her chocolate eyes when she took in his battered state after crushing Phantom Lord, the fire mage vowed to make sure to be more careful, if possible, for her sake.

He remembered vividly how brown and hurt her eyes were, tears bubbling behind them as they puffed up and tinted pink, then red. Natsu wasn't quite sure how, or why, but her haunted stare never left his mind. It rolled in his head, always giving him a feeling of guilt whenever he fought against someone, and the Dragon Slayer had, unbeknownst to him, began to restrict unconsciously his tongue and temper for fear of hurting Lucy if _he _were hurt.

But as of late, with the addition of timid yet cheerful and resourceful Wendy Marvell, the need for Lucy to patch him went gradually, the Sky Dragon Slayer holding potent healing abilities, which she developed daily by nursing the Fairy Tail mages after their daily brawl. The blonde girl erased herself more and more, seldom fixing him up, but still kept him company while Wendy tended to him, making Natsu's heart flutter uncontrollably like a dove, something very uncomfortable. But he was glad that at least, the fearful look in her eyes had finally subsided into unspoken trust; Lucy had learned to know better of him than most, and it still amazed the boy mage how much faith she had in him (for example: that day she threw herself from a high tower to prove Jose Porla she loved her guild and they did her…)

In all cases, after an eventful battle, both of them would always stay in the middle of the ruins, and yet, everyone knew better than to bother them. Lucy would berate Natsu about his rash and impulsive decision, and he'd reply like a child who lived for the thrill of excitement and adrenaline, even if he had just served his life on a plate to protect his guild and crush the opponents. But on rare, odd occasions, when she shed a face-splitting grin and he frowned and everyone in the guild held their breath in high-awaited anticipation that _they were having a moment, _Elfman crying somewhere in the back how manly it was for two persons to have a moment, Happy ruined the mood by saying, "They liiiiiike each other," and hiding his own cat-ate-the-canary grin.

Much to the disappointment of many, Lucy would then snap out of it, yelling "I don't like him, you dumb feline!" and Natsu would turn to them, a quizzical look on his half-bandaged face, asking Erza why they all seemed so high-strung, the usually composed Titania almost feeling like facepalming herself and smacking the clueless dragon boy silly.

Natsu, to this day, still doesn't understand what was wrong with everyone that very day.

But nonetheless, after each great confrontation, and even insignificant full-blown brawls in the guild, he knew he could still count on Lucy to help him, or berate him, depending on her mood that day. Sometimes, she'd laugh at their antics and his childish retorts, and somehow, his face would light up like a star, Gray making a joke about 'who the hell turned this idiot on?' and other days, when she wallowed in misery because of her rent, poor Natsu would have another occasion to fly with the birds thanks to Lucy's Lucy Kick.

Mind you, it was a powerful hit.

But at least, on the bright side, the blond mage would always look for him, rub his back, and apologize with a mild annoyed look on her face, as if to say it was his fault he got himself in this situation, ill from the transportation (flying…pfft).

_Transportation… ughhhh…_

He turned a sickly shade of green, bile rising in his throat and a hand clamping his nose and mouth to contain his retch, but the faint sound of Lucy's voice carried over to his keen ears, breaking through his memory-induced haze. She looked at him with concerned coffee brown eyes, almost reminding him of the old days when he worried her constantly by getting himself into trouble and coming out of it all battered up.

When his eyes focused enough on her round face, she exhaled through her nose, taking off slowly the soaked towel from his bump. Still not sure if he had fallen asleep, Natsu let himself wake up slowly as his friend separated his spiky hair on his head, examining the lessened bump, and she sat back, legs curled under her. "Well, it seems you're getting better. I should have known you Dragon Slayers heal fast."

Was it him or did she sound… wishful?

"Anyways," he heard her continue as he stretched his limbs to their maximum, "Happy's gone to sleep about twenty minutes ago, and I'm still expecting to have an answer as to why you stole my yoga book." At that, he scowled again, crossing his arms over his toned chest.

Couldn't she let go of her stupid book?

Even when she came back, Lucy found her partner in the same position she left him in. She sat down next to him, taking her curry and finally eating it, as she had to hold the ice-cold towel over Natsu's bump for at least 30 minutes, and couldn't eat single-handedly. "So," she was still eating, and swallowed loudly, "what were you going to do with the book?"

"Burn it," he grumbled a little darkly. At her indignant shout of his name, he grinned. Now she was finally giving _him _the rightful attention he needed. Unfortunately for Natsu, his reaction was misinterpreted as a honest threat to her book, and Lucy slammed a puffy pillow onto his face, holding it over to lightly suffocate him.

His hands grabbed the fluffy cushion and threw it back at her. With a grin that said 'Bring it on', both Dragon Slayer and Celestial mage went and ran around the house, stealing as many pillows as possible. One would think Lucy had the advantage, as it was her home, but one had to be aware Natsu spent as much time over as she did, making him actually as knowledgeable as to every crooks of her rooms.

And the pillow war started with both participants standing on opposite ends of the couch.

Natsu began the attack, throwing two cushions of his arsenal to smother her, but Lucy dodged them, attacking back with both her own. The Dragon Slayer grinned and caught them, adding a third to the collection, and stepped over Lucy's clean couch to catch the blond, who shrieked and ran away laughing, abandoning her weapons for the sake of surviving. She went up the stairs, her friend following her closely, and hiding in the threshold of her room, dodged another pillow thrown up.

She stuck out her foot, and Natsu blindly fell for her trap to amuse her. But with his quick reflexes, he only somersaulted as Lucy made a mad dash for the lower floor to regain her shield and weapons, but alas for her, as soon as her back was turned to pick up her faithful pillows, Natsu tackled her with a cry of 'Fire Dragon's Wing Attack!'

Both tumbled on a heap of cushions, laughing merrily at their ridiculous antics. Lucy turned to her friend, and noting his happy complexion, her eyes softened some more. She sat up, and said to her friend, "If you wanted to spend some fun times, you could have stayed at the guild. You know how I get when I read books…"

He huffed at her, as if she was uttering pure nonsense. "Yeah, but the guild's not the same without you. And it's been a while since I bothered ya so much, Luce." He was grinning remorselessly. Lucy managed to translate the 'I bothered ya' part into, 'It's been a while since we last spent time together'.

Guiltily, she looked away, but Natsu continued, sensing her light discomfort. "Anyways, I don't see why you get worked up over a book about _yoga. _And what is it?" He looked genuinely curious, but the blond mage by his side knew better; if it did not involve fighting, dragons, or Fairy Tail, no need to explain it to Natsu (he'd lose interest quickly…).

Instead of answering his last question, she patted his spiky and impossibly soft rose hair (how he managed to keep them in such a clean and nice state without ever singing his clothes were beyond her knowledge), and he closed his eyes at her ministrations.

"You know, I don't mind it when you stay while I'm reading. It's just that you prove to be too much of a distraction and you can't hold still that I can't read my book, and I kick you out. But if you want to know, yoga is supposed to make you feel more peaceful."

He turned to his side, facing her pants, as her hands roamed through his spiky strands. "Sounds boring," he muttered. She snorted, and he asked her, "When you're done with this jogawhachacallitthingy, will you stop ignoring me and Happy?"

She blinked, feeling stupid. So _that's _what bothered him all week. No wonder Natsu was so upset over her book of yoga; he just wanted to talk to her as he normally did. All week, she's been so engrossed by the new posture which supposedly 'helped lose weight' that she had totally glossed over the fact Natsu was a hyperactive young man and needed constant attention, even from her.

She smiled at him slightly mockingly. "Yeah, I guess it's been a while since we last went on a mission. But _I _get to choose it! Probably near Clover or so…" She ended her musings muttering about how the view of the train was pretty amazing.

But at the same time, the Dragon Slayer's face turned to a sick green, and he made a gurgling sound. "Ughh, transportation," he moaned, and made a mad dash for a nearby sink.

At this realisation, Lucy's eyes widened dramatically, and she went after him.

"NOT THE KITCHEN AGAIN! _Natsuuu!"_

* * *

_Maybe the ending needs some revision... yeahh, probably, but I'm too lazy for this. :P_

_Anyways, MICROSOFT! Y U OBLIGE US TO TURN IN FOR OUTLOOK WHEN WE LIKE HOTMAIL! YOU FRIGGING SHISK KEBABS, HOW DARE YOU!_

_*rage uncontrollably and rants for days on*_

_Seriously though, why? ... -_-  
Anyways, as written earlier (and in my profile), anyone up for beta reading my stuff? please? :)  
_

_And thank you, Mini, for having reviewed my story! :3 Miii ^^_

_'Melia, getting ready to post part 2 someday :)_


	2. Yoga and Typical Fairy Tail

**Alright, thank you for having read the first chapter, and sorry for the looooong update (*should have the whole story planned in advance before posting the first chappie :P*)**

**Onward!**

**Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish…**

**Yoga Isn't Fit for a Dragon Slayer**

"Nghh, how do you? … how do you _bend over so easily!?"_

"Whaddya mean? All ya need to do is push on your hands and hold on."

"Aye sir!"

"Don't even get started, stupid cat! You're just lying down!"

"Natsu! Lucy's being mean again…"

"I know. Ain't this yogamathingy supposed to help you calm?"

"Oh, remind me why _I _let you in…"

This was Lucy's typical evening; Natsu and Happy barging unceremoniously and unexpectedly in her house, landing directly onto her bed and plastering themselves on the floor to avoid the Lucy Kick and the tenth lamp she wasted on throwing at them every time. They had even managed to call this move, 'The Lying Snake.'

The celestial mage had proposed, days earlier, to her faithful teammates to practice some yoga. Reluctant and wary as they were in the beginning, it only took Lucy's words of how yoga "increases your strength, physically and mentally" before they jumped on her, hands outstretched to grab the book of weird postures.

Then, all three mages (if a cat could be considered a mage, but then he could _fly _so who cared?) sat down in the middle of Lucy's room and they went through the lengthy volume, filled to the brim with images and poses with names more ridiculous from one another. Natsu and Happy had snickered when they saw a man in his boxer doing this dumb pose, 'The One-Legged King Pigeon.' They covered their huge grins and chuckles with their mouths, but could not help the comparisons between the weird posture, the name, and a certain man with the unfortunate custom of stripping in the middle of nowhere.

"Sure looks like Ice Princess's counterpart."

"Aye sir!"

They continued, until they were interrupted by Happy's overexaggerated "THERE'S A HALF-LORD OF THE FISHES? LUCY! _I want to become Half-Lord of the Fishes!"_ The blonde only smiled at him in response and proceeded to pat him on the head, waiting for the excited blue cat to descend from the Fish Heaven. (Lost cause, he had this hungry gleam in his eyes and he was already drooling).

When they were through with the book, Lucy proposed to start with some of the basics, such as the bridge. Simple-looking enough, all you had to do was lie down on your back, bend your knees and arms, placing the palm of your hands so that your fingers were pointing to the opposite direction of your toes, then push with your hands to lift yourself up, creating a perfect arc with your back, resembling a bridge.

Natsu did it effortlessly (but of course, with those kind of biceps and triceps, it wasn't much of a surprise) while the blue Exceed meekly attempted a poor excuse of a bridge: his arms were too tiny to support him. As an alternative, the cat flew and laid on Natsu's stomach, saying he was done, which prompted Lucy to yell at him this was _not _how you did the bridge.

But unfortunately for the blonde girl, as soon as she started doing her own bridge, she fell down with a 'Oof!', not even able to bring herself up. She started again, thinking it was only because she didn't do warm-ups that she failed, but Lucy fell again, and again, and again, until Happy came floating over her face with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Maybe you can't do the bridge because you're too heavy to lift yourself, Lucy," he mocked without any malice in his voice, but his it's-payback-time grin said he enjoyed every moment of her torture. In response, the mage turned a dark shade of red at being unable to contradict the cat and her frustration, and ended up running after him in quite a comical ironic fashion as it was the prey chasing the cat, not the opposite.

They left behind a clueless Natsu, who was still in the position of the bridge, and he blinked thrice, trying to figure out what happened. Then, his eyes widened and he flexed his right arm, pushing himself sideways so his back was facing the ceiling once more, as if ready to do a push-up, and he bolted out of the room, yelling at the top of his lungs, "HEY GUYS, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

…x.x.x...

The crazy chase had brought them all the way to the guild, and as usual, a brawl couldn't be escaped. Gray, noticing the yoga book in Lucy's hand (she brought it to threaten Happy) had mocked Natsu for participating in such a "girly hobby", which earned him a punch right in the middle of his face, as the irked fire mage shouted at him that "slant-eyed morons like him should stay with their fellow citizens far away in the country of pigeon-brains." Of course, this made no sense, but since this was Natsu insulting Gray, and they were both members of Fairy Tail's most efficient wrecking crew, a fight ensued.

Soon, a very-willing Elfman ripped his shirt off, discarding the remains on someone's unsuspecting face, as he shouted that yoga was "a most manly activity for real men!" before throwing himself in the heap of fire and ice mages' flailing limbs. Following; a pissed-beyond-hell Erza Scarlet, whose fiery temper had been raised by the fight between her childhood comrades, armed to the teeth; an enthusiastic Gajeel, looking for his payback match with the fire Dragon Slayer; Macao and Wakaba, both trying to recall the proud memories of their youth; Jet and Droy, who thought that if they could defeat Gajeel, then Levy would be free once more (that was highly unlikely, but let them dream…); and mostly almost everyone else in the guild besides Wendy, Carla, and Master.

On the sidelines, Happy and Lucy had signed a temporary truce, so as to not get involved with the crazier of Fairy Tail's members. They went and picked some food (a smoothie for Lucy and sardine for Happy) and sat back, the cat on the blonde's laps, as they enjoyed the spectacle, having almost forgotten why their small banter started or how they arrived at the guild.

After about half-an hour, the brawl started to diminish in intensity and violence, and people were sent flying out of the grayish cloud they had created, staying put where they landed. Soon, only Natsu, Gajeel, Gray and Erza were left standing, huffing and bruised physically, but huge grins plastered on their faces. It was clear the enjoyed the brawl, but the way their eyes narrowed suddenly showed that the winner would be decided after this last action. They crouched down on one knee, a fist resting on the ground, and with a yell, all rushed forward to throw a ultimate punch to end the fight.

The force of the hit was so strong; all four foes were thrown back, crashing in broken chairs and tables. Lucy picked Happy up before standing to assure the cat wouldn't fall, and she walked to where Natsu lay, asking him if they could go back home as it was quite late and she didn't want to linger more than she did. He nodded, and the two mages plus cat went home (Lucy's place), as the fire mage narrated the whole fight with enthusiasm.

Once they arrived at her home, all three collapsed on Lucy's bed, the girl too tired to reprimand the cat and fire mage and kick them out, and the latter grateful for once they were free to stay without the blonde girl shrieking at them to get out.

In the end, maybe yoga wasn't _too _unfit for a Dragon Slayer.

Just made things get out of hand.

(But that was the typical Fairy Tail way, so there's not much to blame on the yoga…).

* * *

_Cheap cut ending, but it gives a nice closure, so yeahh..._

_Anyways, maybe this comes off as late, BUT I got a beta-reader! YÉÉÉÉÉÉ! XD The name's SORA-Koori-ryuu, and this rocks my socks! :D  
_

_Dreamypastelle: loool, I'm lazy too, I swear if it wasn't for the automatic connection, I'd never log in anywhere (I'd forget all my passwords :P). Awnn, thank you. I read the first words of your review and I was like: oh my god, I'm done, she hated it and all, and nananana, but then, nope! Thank you for the review, but yeahh, as I said, I have a beta (I'm glad for that though :3). And thanks for pointing out the typo too! :)_

_'Melia, going to do her stupid projeeeeects... blerrrrgh_


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